FUCK THIS

If I know one thing it is that life will send you ten different ways of crazy.

I have nights when I want to run and run until forever comes and run.

To never be seen or heard from again, how small can I become then

Now I find myself as a dad, imagine that, I am a child, frozen in time

Looking around I attach to none, and yet I have attachments made

Crazy, most of the time I am fighting lazy, nights I don’t sleep, weep

Often I dream, inside I yearn to scream and shout and go mad, am i

Alive, I have no yearning for people, also I have not met my equal

Chances are I never will, I have given up trying, although still

Deep in a quiet corner of my head, questions whizz around unfed

Trickling streams, sombre routines, fallen leaves from broken trees

Mixed messages litter my dreams although I don’t sleep, my feet

Keep walking, my mouth keeps talking, garbage and junk, raucous

Focus. Shy away from each day, vampirical  gestures, sunlight reflects

Only talk in texts, mixed messages lets, every thing jumble, nothing

Is normal, I cant stand being formal, constantly judged, never loved

Don’t care, don’t swear have maniacal tendencies, fuck with my head

Try to hide instead, often mis read but hey I don’t give a fuck

I am always coming unstuck, that’s why I love drugs, and you are

All mugs. I function best on my own, alone in my sterile home

Smash up my phone if I could but that’s how I score drugs

Priorities first last and cursed, binge till I am fit to burst, worst

Parent on earth, sorry to my kids but heaven forbid, they are rid

Of me, who would they turn to when they need to eat, or clean

My beautiful team, how lucky am I, now I could cry, don’t ask me why

My moods change in an instant, times I am distant, times I am not……….

 

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