Saturday night, I am a little giddy, light headed, in anticipation, of where I will soon be headed, scared in my head before the test has begun. Something I want to run from, yet I will not. I had my last little bit nearly twenty four hours past, and I intend to last, the course. My attackers wold like me to crumble and stay in my head, in a word, dead.  I have been under for so long, how I treat myself is all wrong, time to change. Right now is strange, pain in my wrist, maybe the morphine in the subby helped this, maybe not. My vision is blurring, it happens I done this before many many moons ago. A rattle is something you wont forget in a hurry, trust me. I will be ok, got a bottle of beer a head full of fear, painkillers are near, when I am good oh the joy I will share, hope you are there, to share my triumph…

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