I have been trying something new recently, actually it is a good thing to try new things I am told, so I have been learning how to meditate. Initially, my main reason was to try and manage pain, like the pain in my right hand and wrist, some days are worse than others. I have refused gabapentin, pregabalin and another I don’t recall right now, from my gp. Waiting for an appointment at the pain clinic at the hospital, I have smoked bud and used meditation to deal with my situation, varying degrees of success and failure, but the meditation has taken a separate tangent since I began trying to understand the power of which my mind is capable. At first I honestly thought that I will try anything if it helps, at times my hand bothered me to distraction, and I turned off every thing at a quiet time in the afternoon. The only sound was nature, outside the window, birds and such, while I sat crossed legged and began to breathe and focus at the same time, not as easy as you may think, try. Anyway, loads of thoughts Invade your mind when you don’t want them to be there. I began to focus and exerted more mental pressure using my breathing as my guide. When I achieve control, I can move energy around my body. Not only that, when the session is over the mind appears to feel lighter, calmer, and at a different frequency, than my day to day level. Unfortunately these times happen way too infrequently, having said that, each and every day I am practising and have a determination to conquer my mind, I have to be in control.
My decision to stop taking subutex today is another chance to use my mind in a positive way, it is a cool power, in a simple efficient manner. I am done going chemist every day, done relying on substitute, done not taking control.