I studied Sociology for a year many moons ago. Yesterday my daughter and I were chatting when she explained that what people call a normal family does not exist. She then gave a few examples from families we know. I replied that the closest family we know is ours, to the term nuclear family, anyway. Their mother was always available and around a lot, I never had a different person for them to deal with, and they are a girl and an older boy. Anyway, that was the good bit. The conversation changed and so did the tone, unfortunately. I have listened since September to each passing day, attentively, offering jewels along the way. Yesterday, I spoke my truth and upset my daughter in the process. My point related to finding more in the work than the people you work with, for a change. I know it hurt to say, but I have seen her hurt, and cry with all this getting to know you b/s in college. Then it was made out that I don’t want her to have friends, which I hope she knows is not true, I told her so, I think knuckling down and not appearing so desperate, I regretted using that word, too late, big rant. Telling her that she will find a better friend if she focused on work and waited for it to happen rather than trying to make it happen, I watched her blast back upstairs, shouting words I couldn’t make out.
I guess it is easy or a cliché to say boys and girls are different but they are, and I have to react in a different manner, from one to another. I had to cancel the mobile contract I had for two years, yesterday, cutting off my boys sim card in the process. The contract should have ended in December, but, apparently, if you do not give 30 days notice to cancel then the contract carries on month to month until you do cancel. I got the bill for Jan and Feb, and called to ask why, to be told the news. I said I cant pay as I am on benefits so they wrote off February and immediately cancelled the simcard, meaning my lad would have found his phone cut off. Well not the phone but the sim, he just has to buy a sim, £1, only but very inconvenient for him, I reckon. The assistant gave me no choice for cancelling the contract. That is my price for freedom from economic dependence from my son, he can now pay for his own phone bills, yay. His mum went into a fake over the top reaction when I told her, “you mean there is no way to contact him?” she sniffled back tears, I reminded her that he does not answer his phone to us anyway, but that did not help. She ended the call, thankfully, he will give us the new number next time he is in town, and his sister could reach him on i.m. Their mum loves a little drama after her spiritual meds, I have noticed. I want to be able to get him a car at 21 but we are not promised tomorrow, I guess I hold some old fashioned values in thinking it my responsibility to send him on his way at 21. I like that I think that way, though. Same for my daughter, which reminds me to get back to my reason for posting. The difference in styles I need to incorporate to positively affect my daughter, that are totally different skills I needed when my son was the same age. The truth is an ally, but I know the kind of stuff that would hurt her feelings, so generally agreed with her, while wondering if she was operating correctly. My daughter does not have that one good friend to rely on, or talk with, her mum is her best friend, that regularly lets her down, I add, bitchily, but I know my daughter should have a mate rather than wanting her mum to go shops with her all the time. It is hard to process sometimes, but I know from helping raise my younger brother, that you have to let them do their thing, let them learn alone. I have been, but yesterday I told her I think she is trying too hard and that she should concentrate on college work instead, reasonable but she was mad.
Today, when she got home from college, she talked on the work she was doing so either she agrees or is telling me what she thinks I want to hear, and now I wait, before the next chapter in the tale of growing girl. Patience is key.