Days like today are my little pieces of heaven on earth, nothing has occurred much actually. I am referring to the centre of my being that creates the feeling, in my body. To be a little more specific, I am not filled with lots of unrealistic emotion that is folly.  There is a school of thought that says to be content is to be happy, this is my mental therapy. The previous couple of months after my boy left home, I abused my position began to roam. I allowed various people to use my phone, before I knew I left my comfort zone. I think most of us have a default mode that relates back to factors of growing. Each of us is responsible for our actions as adults that’s true but how you were raised still affects you, and I. So I used to think my default was inner rage and resentment, not my fault. I would tell myself, lying and believing everything I said to be truth, this is the arrogance of youth. As years piled up one on top of another, season after season, hour after hour, my default mode began to change, part of this was due to the fact my life got rearranged, till I became the man I am now. The deep furrow that stayed on my brow, slowly faded till it disappeared completely replaced by a smooth uncluttered happy part of me, there for all to see. My recent past has been filled with so much confusion brought to me by me, I could not see the wood for the trees, waiting impatiently for dealers to show, getting pissed off, getting ready to blow, day after day the same thing happened, till eventually I I was ripped open from the inside out, shout fight scream explode, I was carrying a heavy darn loud. Two or so weeks ago I blew a fuse, kicked everyone off my team who wanted to use.  Took a few days to soak in the peace  around me, until my default came back which then allowed me, to relax and find again my inner self calm, which is how today finds me mentally. There comes a feeling to each that only that person reach, and I have found mine, and I am not here to preach. Only to say that I am so content and that alone makes me happy I have an inner glow and that allows me, to feel blessed just to do something simple like walk down the street. I hope you all can meet the inner feeling that allows you to be content because this is what I mean to heaven sent, I know today I am feeling content. The power inside me is joyous and more, I had to rid myself of my inner floor, for me that stuff is no more.

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