ADDICT IN HERE

Still trying to understand the force of my addiction, I had trouble as a kid, so did many others that I know and have known well, nearly all had a desperate story to tell. I have come to know so many people I would not have met but for my addiction, the world I am in is a world under a world, so many layers so many rules that don’t make sense. The difference between one and another type of offence. One constant between worlds is the chase for pounds and pence. In the middle of the chaos you will see me passing by the scene, lone wolf no allegiance toward any team. Buy my drugs and keep on moving, keep my counsel to stop me losing. No win situation spending money on top of money, but if I stay alone smoke my drug I have learnt a lesson, I have a slight chance of staying free and out of the prison. Not for dealing but just for being in possession, that’s how it  is in the western, world .Why is my life surrounded by addiction of one kind or another? It can not be that at three I was left by my mother, because that happened as well to my little brother. Could it be the violence inflicted by the first stepmother? Again look at my brother. Hard working computer geek, got the house got the company benz, normal bloke normal friends. The abuse in the foster home or the mental torture from stepmother two when we got back home, what are the reasons why I am forever wrapped up in drugs of all kinds? Does there have to be a reason other than I like being outside of my reality, actually. I can go a week without smoking any stone, I never feel the need to go outside my home, I set my mind to tasks at hand and fall into that zone. People tend to knock my door and catch me off my guard, but I soon catch up kick them out and carry on regardless. Empty thoughts in my head, my desire is to leave them dead, volcanic eruptions rouse uncertain emotions unable to deal, not wanting to feel, I use drugs to dull my brain, too much emotion drives me insane, my desire for peace and quiet leaves me alone away from riot, distrust of people unable to fit the equation of social, si I have become anti social. A hermit, lone wolf, one man army, all I know I want no one beside me. Too much drama in my life causes me to become unstable, on my own I am able, to function, exist, take life as it comes at me, matter of factly. That is who I am, too many questions, tends to distract me. My drug behaviour is part of who I am now, reasons and why, don’t give a damn now. I deal with each day like everybody else, treat others how I would treat myself, try my best to be a decent human, citizen of the world, a helpful neighbour, throw up prayers to my saviour. The only constant in my existence, been around since my existence, and always listens when I talk, forever by my side invisible friend, still be there at my end. So I ask myself why I do drugs like I do, and always find I haven’t a clue, but my nature is to ask questions so I act by nature, through the seasons I travel forward, empty my mind from time to time, bigger picture I am mostly fine. Not got the problems so many have, got my fill but they aint that bad. Addict addiction drugs I risk em, then ask why I have an affliction, this is my revolving wisdom. Survive the system, my main goal, doing well in my home, just want most to be left alone.

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4 thoughts on “ADDICT IN HERE

  1. Re: “just want to be left alone” – yup that’s the escape recreational drugs give us – some distance between ourselves and a world that has become “too much”.

      1. Thank you, Drew.

        I think your writing continues to improve as the cadence, the rhyme & rhythm become clearer and clearer. Such poetry – even free-form – is challenging because word choices have to fit the rhythm or the flow gets interrupted – that’s always been a struggle for me. In reading your posts aloud to a friend I really notice the increasing power of your verse.

        I enjoy the unusual connections you make between things – your juxtapositions are always a surprise. The paths you forge through all kinds of events, ideas, and symbols really get me thinking.

        Namaste,
        Zyp

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