What do I want? Does it matter even? Back home after an evening of making sure my daughter has all she needs for tomorrow at school, non uniform day and the last day of term. That means new clothes and a fresh hairdo. She keeps saying that she is so happy and that is everything to me obviously. She is upstairs trying on clothes to wear for tomorrow, bless her. Next week is xmas and I have invited my childrens mother to spend the day with us as my daughter would love to have her with us. Unfortunately my son does not agree with our decision. For a while now he has not been talking to his mother. I know he is fed up of her antics and has put up a wall, to stop himself being hurt again I reckon.
I have to take into account the views of both children, one wants her with us the other does not. I tried to reason with the boy, reminding him that for ten years while I was around every day I was not much use as I had an heroin addiction. At the time his mother did an amazing job bringing him and his sister up. He accepts that he may realize when he is older that he is being unreasonable but for now he wants nothing to do with her. He is going to stay in his room but because he has love for his sister will not create a fuss about his mum being at the house. I would like us all to just have fun but that is not happening unfortunately. I see his point and feel sad for him because he obviously has much love for his mother. Hopefully he may come round on the day but at least his sister will be pleased so every cloud. This is the balance I have to find and it is not easy. No parent is perfect and there was a time when I used to be so judgemental about everything that is until I ended up addicted to heroin. After that I cannot and will not judge anybody as we can all fall victim to the pitfalls life throws up. Merry xmas to all.