When I was a young man I wished for so many things. Material wealth and girls were top of my agenda and I spent a lot of energy acquiring these things I thought were important to me. Earlier today while talking I was asked if I could go back knowing everything I know now, would I? I responded without pause, I would not want to go back to my teen years for love or money. I know that the days I am living are the most satisfactory of my entire life. I do not have wealth and my health is not the best or the worst I may add. Yet I am happy inside on a daily basis with no explanation. I have a roof and my children are content as am I. My son recently told me that he is glad for the way he has been raised and my daughter also expressed that she is happy in herself. I realise that my happiness depends on the happiness of my children. I remember when we used to play board games and stuff and we would laugh out loud as we joked with each other, I would point out to them that this is what life is about for we may not have had money but we could not have been happier together playing. There was a time when I would not have been able to comprehend such joy but once you take on responsibility for your children a change takes place that is undeniable. I have spent many a lonely night while they would be sleeping upstairs, finally at peace while they slept. Each day was a challenge to provide and care and prepare and it was a joy to put them to bed at the end of each night so I could finally relax. I took on the responsibility because the mother was unable to carry on the good work she had begun. That is a shame for her and a blessing for me. I spent my youth searching for something without knowing what I really wanted. Now I know that I want nothing but peace and harmony and that is what I am lucky enough to have. I have a bad day and a good day but the main theme is the same, I am blessed. I love my life as it is and everything I have been through I would not change a thing. Today I helped my daughter with her homework and in the evening my son and I sat and watched the football together. As they now sleep I am in my room watching Vikings on the laptop while smoking a little bit of stone.


4 thoughts on “HAPPY

  1. Here you go, spreading the joy again 🙂

    You’re setting a great example for your kids and all of us out here, proving that it’s possible to make a good life for yourself even in less than ideal circumstances.

    I was just reading today how our own facial expressions can affect our, mood, and I’ve heard that the person we all listen to the most is ourselves, so reflecting and writing about your happiness will only increase it.

    When things are shitty, we have to try to “make” ourselves happy – it’s not always possible, but it’s always worth the effort. And if we can’t make ourselves happy, then we can try making someone else happy, because that will bring us good feelings too.

    The trouble with chronic pain is that it rots from the inside, leaving me feeling like a wet bag of cement. A thick fog of pain/depression conceals the beauty of the world from me. It weighs me down, sucks the energy out of me, makes me tired and cranky and no fun at all, which makes it really hard to connect with other people.

    Depression isn’t sadness, it’s anger turned inward, and I’m angry! Of course, I’m angry about being stuck with this pain, but when I read about pain-free “spokespeople” telling everyone how bad opioids and marijuana are, it sparks a terrible rage in me.

    These people have NO idea what they’re talking about, yet are completely convinced that THEY have the solution for OUR problems – usually involving a lot of money. People who don’t have chronic pain just cannot understand it, and many don’t want to. They want to believe there’s a simple solution for our pain so that when it happens to them, they won’t suffer. I can’t wait…

    1. I really hope you are not averse to trying weed or anything else that can give you some form of relief, life is too short not too my friend. My thoughts are with you

      1. Thanks, Drew – just the fact that you replied brightens my day a little!

        No, I’m not at all adverse to changing my body chemistry in any way that makes me see more of the positive 🙂 Sadly, even with all the medications/drugs at my disposal, I can’t fix this existential crisis I’m in (I feel like that’s what it is).

        But you bring up a good point: I should probably experiment with some more cannabis varieties. So far, it’s helped, but more with my mood than with my pain. Gotta get off my butt and go to the store. Medical MJ is legal here, so shopping for it is almost like going to the produce market 🙂

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