BROTHER

Growing up as the elder brother of two i built a really close bond with my little brother over the years. I have to say though that there were times when he really got on my nerves, not his fault as i was always told to let him come with me when we were kids. Anything i did wrong would be reported back to the powers that be when we arrived home so i did get annoyed with him a lot. I also felt very protective of him as well as if i was his dad or something. I remember a few fights i got into due to my little brother being upset and me jumping to the wrong conclusion because he would not say why he was upset. When we were teens i drifted away from the family home but remember i was in his flat one time and some girls were, i thought, disrespecting him, so i threw them out and he responded by telling me to mind my own business. I began to realise that he was his own man and although we were raised in the same situation he was totally opposite to me in the way he acted and thought so i began to back off but i constantly worried about him. When i left Manchester in 1992 i left him with a number and a phone for him to get paid and asked him to split the first couple of pay days with me and then take it over for himself. When i phoned he told me how much he had made £500 on the first time but then said he was not giving me anything because he sorted it. I was stunned and angry and slammed down the phone and we did not speak for a few years. I went back to Manchester in 1996 and found he was using my exes home to stash his things and also he told my ex not to bother with me as i had “problems” I could not believe his attitude. I always looked after him when i was doing well and my ex reminded him of that when he did not want to pick me up. He wasted no time showing me his new found wealth, fully kitted out flat, thousands in the bank and our dad was holding thousands for him also. He never offered me a penny and i never asked. I was glad for him but disappointed with his attitude toward me. He seemed to revel in my misfortune and it made me think of his childhood from his perspective, he obviously felt second best i mused. It was not long before he became fed up dealing and he went to college and is now doing very well so that i do not worry about him any more. The one thing he did in that time which led to us not speaking for ten years was to get with the mother of my eldest son. My son at the time knew him as uncle so i was worried what this may do to my son, we had a fight when i found out and then i never saw him for ten years or so.

Last week when i got out of hospital i phoned him and asked for some help and was surprised when he told me that my son is old enough to help me. It did not sound like him and i remembered him telling me a few months earlier that his girlfriend does not like him coming to my house. I asked why at the time but he did not know so it was forgotten. I had the feeling that he was being coached but i just finished talking with him and put the phone down. I knew that he would call by this weekend and i was right. I know what is going on and back in the day i would have tried to lecture him but i realise that he is comfortable being told what to do, he is happy and that is all that matters. I do not know why his girlfriend does not like me maybe it is because she thinks i am like i used to be when i was with her so many years ago. She is worried that i may tell him to stop letting her take liberties especially as he is bringing home 65G a year or so he likes to tell me often. Even when he was at mine she phoned and asked him to call at her mums on his way home cos her internet was playing up. I said jokingly to him to say he had been but there was no answer but he was going to help. I would not have bothered but that is why i am single because i do not do the socialising thing. Strange how two people from the same background can be so different. I am genuinely happy that my brother is happy and in a way i owe it all to me. I mean i set him on the road to his career and also provided him with a ready made family to take on. He has a son to her as have i. I could never be told what to do and enjoy being single, we are certainly different, you cannot have a serious conversation with him as he always turns everything into a joke. I love him

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2 thoughts on “BROTHER

  1. I also have a distant, strange, and ambiguous relationship with my only little brother.

    I (sister 3 yrs older) also was his protector when he was little and he both relied on me and took advantage of me. He would deliberately provoke the neighborhood kids to hit him, then run to me complaining, so I would go out and knock them down (always gently, except when they went after my dog once).

    A few years ago, I was shocked to discover that he does not trust me at all and believes I’ll try to cheat him out of his inheritance! That cut me to the quick and destroyed my trust completely in way no one else has ever done. I divorced and split valuable real estate profits without any legal intervention, but my “little brother” obviously sees a completely different person. I have no idea of who he thinks I am, and he’s become a compete stranger to me (now I finally understand exactly what that phrase means)

    You seem to have adjusted to the new version of your brother quite well, but I don’t understand how you can still feel that this person, who is now very different and with whom you have a different kind of relationship, is still the brother you had? At what point does someone become “someone else”?

    1. i would not say adjusted quite well as i did not speak to him for ten years andd only thru respect for my dad did i talk to him at the funeral and it went slowly from there. I dont need him did not miss him and do not like him a lot of the time and i do not initiate our meetings but i know he respects me as an older brother even tho he disrespects me often and i feel he needs me still so i let him in when he calls. He cant help how he is, i believe so unless he harms my kids i give him my time. i understand your predicament tho. Take care my friend

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