iCE covers the roofs of cars as i hurry by, i walk as fast as i can toward the maine road. Reaching the cash point i hastily withdraw 30 pounds and immediately turn and hurry home. A ll is still in Openshaw, nobody on the streets except silly old me. I am back indoors in 15 mins and on the phone. Ten mins later a car pulls up outside and the deal is done. I sit here thinking how bad am i? Am i bad? Who knows bar you readers? Nobody thats who. I know and i am cool with it as over the years i have come to have some form of control. I do not drink, do you? I do not smoke weed, do you? I do not go out to a pub or a club ever. I sit in my house alone knowing my kids are safe upstairs. If they came down now and needed me i am available and ready. Crack does not make me act differently in any way except i may write a poem that i would not have done if not under the influence. If my kids needed anything i am here and i would put it down and take care of business. I dont smoke a pipe and i have never injected, i run it on a piece of foil. I can not afford it every day so i smoke once a week in the night. On my own in peace. I have had a few lines and it is there in front of me as i type. I have a new carpet on the stairs that goes down tomorrow night after the decorator has finished. That all cost nearly 230 pound, 225 to be exact. I have another 150 pound that i just transferred into my boys account that i cant touch tonight so how bad am i? I may be destroying my health maybe but i think the tobacco i smoke will do worse damage, but nobody lives forever right? I do not go out of my home hardly ever and i am cool with that and my kids are cool with me. I am here always and never show them up. They dress well have manners morals and the latest gadgets that teens need to get by, i myself need nothing, it all goes on them bar the odd thirty pound i take for me and remember i have to have pleasure in life i cant always be dad. My name is A. I am a 51 year old that has changed enormously since i got response for my kids. I have been a gangster, drug dealer, pimp, thief, con artist, womaniser, convict heroin addict and crack addict i have also ran a company and employed over thirty people so my outlook on what is good and bad comes from a wide perception. Gonna stop now and continue smoking, judge me if u want

1 Comment

  1. I enjoy your writing. It’s fresh and you have a unique point of view. I’ve also been a druggie and sometimes sold when I was a kid and then now I have my own kids. I can identify with your outlook. Drugs aren’t all bad. People own their own bodies, and if you can use and be good to your kids then you are doing good. Peace

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