At times it can be hard to talk to my daughter. She has recently turned into a young woman. I am proud of her actually. I was chatting to an old friend who asked the age of the kids. When i said my girl is in her room dancing they have a teen girl who does same. We both have girls who dont go out round here and i said at the time it is how you raise ’em. I went up to tell her to turn the music down now as it is late, then suggested she have a bath, she didnt yesterday and with the dancing she needs to keep on top of hygiene. I try and mention that she needs to wash her neck or behind the ears especially in summer, well usually i am in big trouble. We started talking and i asked should i run the bath. She told me she is going out at the weekend. I stopped while we established that she is going to her friend Kays house on Saturday afternoon. Then i asked why she doesnt have bubbles in her bath. She went to a bag and pulled out some bath bombs and we crumbled half each in the water. We talked about her maths homework and how if someone looks at her adults and school peers. She told me how she acts on the street if she thinks someone is shady and might want to steal her phone. I got a mini cd player and set it up outside the door and she picked “i’m a survivor” Destinys her child. I came in here while she got in the bath, i am down the hall in my bedroom. She has got out the bath and is here, just leaving, that was a really great moment and i remember that all has not been a disater. I got my appointment today for next Wwdnesday. I am going to a funeral tomorrow. I thought that i may be out of place with her family but a young lad downstairs said you have to go. I did not ask him why cos i felt that i knew already. She helped me twice when i needed it. That may not sound like much but both times i was so grateful and needed that when you say her name i think angel.Others i have talked to about her death would say if you weren’t careful she would have you over and she probably would have but to me,……..i am going tomos. I could use her death as a starting point with a message cos if i dont fix up then that is gonna be me soon. This coming op will change a few things but i will be ok i am sure. I have so much to look forward to, having that chat with my daughter was just the tonic. Having a life and death situ gives you no choice but to stop. Dont mess with the anesthetic you know.