A miracle occurred in Openshaw on Saturday night. At the time i was talking to God my hands were clasped to my bible and i dont have much feeling in my hands but if i tell you my fingers were being clasped by another hand and there was a light and a warm electric feeling going on. I asked every doubters question as you can imagine but there was no doubt. I was made to look at a younger version of me, in church i remember it well, and from there to who i am now. I knew  immediately that crack smoking was so so wrong and i knew. Then i collapsed when i realised what i had done by falling. I could hardly breathe when it started to sink in, my daughter the way i pushed her away and pretended not to care. Everything, oh the excuses i was nearly sick, how could i have let crack take me so far from who i really am. I have not committed any illegal acts to purchase crack, ever, that is just not me, so when it went i would just sit on a downer till it wore off. Now i know why the kids spend so much time upstairs, my moods. Plus i looked around and said to myself, “i need to decorate in this room its a mess”

Then remembered the one real argument i have had with my son happened last October and it got worse when he said the room is horrible and i called him ungrateful. Now i see what he means. Painted magnolia is what is up , no wallpaper through me saying its ok. I probably spent the money i would have decorated with on crack, no doubt.

My eyes were truly opened and it was an amazing experience that lasted around half an hour. I asked my older daughter for forgiveness today and am so glad she forgave me. I need her in our lives, she is the one that keeps our family together with arranging birthdays for my grandchildren, and inviting us all so we meet often. i let crack take over me. I knew from the day i first saw it that it is evil. I saw it as a means of enslaving a generation of people and thought it was a weapon aimed with the intent of wiping us out. Now i know it is not just black people but it is evil. I am so happy i realise what happened. As Juan pointed out, annoyingly at the time, glad now tho, crack will not just go away and he hopes i forever praise God for the light, i know.

i am in recovery  anyway, recently had first appt. so i will have support plus i asked a member of local church to visit. I do want to find a good church to attend on Sundays. I grew up going church every Sunday even when i did not want to, i was still going at 15. Strict catholic stepmother who kicked us out of bed on a Sunday morning to get ready for church. Had to dress up and we would get some money for the plate that gets passed around. I cant remember the name it had, but we would try and keep a bit of change back for sweets on the way home. The stepmother never went church but our neighbor always went so if we tried to sneak off we took a gamble cos they used to talk often. Church was good tho. She defo did me a a massive favor unintentionally. I also went bible class on a Thursdays. I have never taken my kids to church, can you believe that? I told my daughter here that i am looking for a church she straight away said she would be coming. The future has so many possibilities.